I know, I know. Some poor, unsung marketing hero at Palm is going to be downing the Advil and Mylanta for that last paragraph. But hey, if that gets your brain in a twist, ask yourself this $64,000 question: What the heck are they going to call the next generation of the Palm devices now that III, V, and VII are used up? Please, 3Com, don't let the marketing folks from your networking and router divisions name any more consumer products! Consider getting some guy from Pepsi. After all, why would he want to sell soda-water to kids for the rest of his life when he could be out there changing the world?

Personally, I'm putting my order in now for the Palm MM, which, if I got my numerology correct means the Palm 2000. Of course, it could also mean the Palm MultiMedia, or perhaps a Palm device with a handy slot for round, chocolate candies. No, that would probably be the Palm M&M, and that brings up an entirely new can of trademark worms.

Claire Pieterek is a long-time Palm handheld user. On a mission to ditch her Franklin Planner, she bought her first--a Pilot 5000--in May, 1996. She currently owns a Japanese-language Sony Clie 650C, a Sony Clie 710C, and a Palm Zire 71, among others. She is most at home in Chicago and Kyoto, and is a student of life, the universe, and Japanese.