And what of Gore? Here's a guy with a "war record." Yeah, he was an army correspondent in Vietnam at just the right time for it to look good when his daddy was running for re-election in the Senate. It might have been for show, but Gore really was assigned to the 20th Engineer Brigade headquartered at Bien Hoa, an air base 20 miles northeast of Saigon. So at least he actually made it to Vietnam, and if not in the line of fire, at least had to eat the chow. OK, so rooming with Tommy Lee Jones gets him points, but it's not like Al's a real charmer in front of a podium.

Like I said, we're not talking "best of show" here. We've got a policy lightweight up against a guy who makes a telephone pole look animated. And that's why we looked beyond the issues, beyond the hype, beyond the men themselves to the only thing that really matteres: which one carries a Palm computer?

When the President of the United States takes out his Palm, we want to know he's using a handheld computer and not... did we say that Al Gore is no Bill Clinton?

We thought about endorsing...well...me. I mean, I am a heck of a leader, look as cool in workout clothes as in black leather, and know exactly where I want the country to go. I already have delusions of grandeur and fantasies of having my own naval fleet. And if you want to talk about who carries more Palm devices, I'm definitely your man. But the whole kissing babies thing just doesn't feel right to me. So, if elected, I will not serve. Well, that's not strictly true. If you all somehow manage to elect me to that great office, I would feel obligated to serve, if only so I could get to dance with Annette Bening.

All kidding aside, this is a big choice. The president we choose now will affect us immensely over the next few years. We've had a great run economically, and as a country we're more tolerant, more decent, more humane, and more united.

Make sure you get out and vote, and make sure you choose the right man.

And don't stop thinking about tomorrow.

Calvin O. Parker is the maintainer of a PalmPilot FAQ site on the Internet. He has been actively involved with the PalmPilot online community for over a year, and has recently written a book on the PalmPilot: The Complete PalmPilot Guide. Find out more information at http://www.pilotfaq.com.